I think this is in fact a physical thing. I think my diet is so out of whack that it's making me cranky. It's skewing all of my thoughts and feelings about everything. I fasted through breakfast and lunch today, and felt pretty spry. But.....that was the first part of the day while the caffeine was still hanging around. I had a little to eat early/mid-afternoon and now I'm cranky.
The whole reason I fasted was because I knew it was making me foggy and unhappy. The fasting helped while I was fasting, but I just need more. I need to tighten it up. It's not a body shaming thing as, but knowing that I'm not properly able to know, love and serve. I'm too cranky. If an "other" started something with me now, that "other" might need a new ego. That's not good.
This is because I'm out of balance. I was doing very well for a while. Eating sensibly, not starving, not doing anything crazy with my macros. Health portions, little to no snacking, feeling great, losing weight effortlessly. But then things got busy, and doggonit I'm an emotional eater. (I envy emotional starvers). No one thing is doing it, but a lot of everything together. The thing that changed, however, was Cor. Cor flared up before during and after launch. Also my co-presenter had a rather serious life event which took him out of the running for helping. Additionally, my wife has been traveling a bit more lately, and unfortunately she hasn't been able to choose her travel dates because they are centered around events that are happening at a certain time.
I love Cor, but I need to find a way to get it in balance. It's killing my health, and my balance. I wish I could give it more time. I wish I could swap the amount of time I'm spending on Cor and my job. Alas...
Thankfully I have another helper. He is, unfortunately, another guy who travels a fair amount for work, but I can probably work with that. Also, I think I might outsource the "manly" training to the class, at large. The Knights have done a great job at producing content + study guides to go along with videos and booklets. The content has a bit of bravado I'm not a fan of, but I think the theology is solid. It's meant to get guys jazzed in a rather "manly" way, which is fine. Nothing I've seen (though I haven't seen everything) has been sexist yet. I'm willing to outsource, but I think I want to have my thumb on everything in the class. I want to make sure we don't start getting high on the smell of our own manly smelling shit, and it turns into a chest thumping man fest.
I want to make sure it all ties back to the beatitudes, or loving in a real, universal way.
Ok, so outsourcing (most) of the mandoctrination.
I'm also concerned about balancing prayer with health. I'm intending to start the 19th Annotation soon, and the 19th annotation can really only happen in the morning. At least the biggest piece. Working out can really only happen in the morning. Prayer was already getting edged out, to some degree, by working out, and now the pendulum has swung and working out is getting edged out by prayer.
For me, I think bouts of high intensity, or at least moderate intensity cardio are critical. As much as it would be cool to pack on 30lbs of muscle doing spaced out bodyweight workouts, conveniently, throughout the day (which I can do a few times a week, but not exclusively), I need that cardio time. It makes me happier and more energetic.
If possible, I think the only decent answer is to get up at least a little earlier, which means going to bed earlier (which doesn't necessarily equate to going to sleep earlier), and being prepared for the morning time the evening before. Have prayer space & materials setup and in place. Perhaps even bookmark scripture passages. Also, get all of my workout "kit" ready, and ready to put on. If I need equipment, see if I can't get that setup and out. That way I can roll from prayer to workout, or workout to prayer efficiently. I know sometimes in the morning a lot of time gets chewed up transitioning from one task to the next because I'm figuring out how I'm going to go about the the next thing without waking up my family, and without making the dog whimper and cry because he's not being sufficiently loved. 5,000 pets per day. 4,999 or fewer gets little piles of anxious puke all over the place.