13 Sep

[Reflecting on The Parable of the Good Samaritan]


*Note: I'm pretty tired and worn down right now. Very little sleep over the last couple of days and I'm feeling rather tumultuous. A little difficult to actually sit down and ponder.


Reflection 1: Have you ever felt "othered" or excluded? How did it impact you?

Without identifying anything in particular I know I've felt the feeling of being othered. The feeling of being odd, or laughed at in the presence of a group. Being "othered" could mean a number of different things. It could mean being excluded, or ignored. It could mean being ridiculed, or judged quietly or overtly. It can also mean being overpowered, or put down during an interaction, as if your will didn't matter.

Suddenly I'm thankful for how tired and tumultuous I feel. It allows memories and feelings to come back to the surface so that I can examine them.

I can think of quite a number of instances where I've been "othered." However, there is one period of my life, while taking a break from work and going back to college, while renovating our house where my in-laws were quite harsh and nasty with us. At one point my father and mother in-law actually walked into our house, unannounced, to install a new thermostat in order to try to fix a problem they didn't think I was moving fast enough on. My father in-law walked through the door, literally looked me square in the eyes and he passes with an intense sneer. He couldn't believe I was sitting at the dining room table instead of solving the problem, although what he didn't understand was that I was working on a discrete math assignment which was due the next day and I was woefully behind on. I ended up dropping the class because of the shame I felt for not acting on our home renovation fast enough. In retrospect, I know I was doing the right thing with my time, and that sometimes you just have to endure some problems until you can get to them. Even if the house is a little warm. The shame was so intense, it wasn't the first incident and wasn't the last. My father in-law only holds his tongue because I physically threatened him a few years ago, but you can tell he wants to say things.

That mother fucker. He's never around when I'm thinking about him, which is probably a gift from God. Such a bully to so many people. He's so hard to forgive. I forgive him, then I backslide, then I forgive him again, etc. Needless to say, I've had some excruciatingly painful moments, and periods in my life which have left me in severe mental turmoil to the point of despair. Constant shame and fear, which led to more poor decisions which left me in a state that earned me more derision, and made interacting with other people, to include my wife, extremely difficult, and often led to poor, or ended, professional and personal relationships. It eventually drove me to seeking mental healthcare. Something I probably needed, or could have benefited from anyway, but I'm still healing from that time.


Reflection 2: In what ways have you, knowingly or unknowingly, "othered" someone else? What were the circumstances? What invitations do you sense after you have prayed with this Scripture?

Just gonna' have to pick one or two here. Too many to remember, let alone count. I suppose I'll pick one "severe" or emotionally intense one, and one everyday, practical one.

Especially after my family moved from a more urban, Blue/left leaning part of the country, to a more rural, Red/right leaning part of the country during the pandemic, we really felt the burn. We were surrounded by people who weren't wearing their masks, and they weren't wearing them for a variety of reasons. Some people just couldn't be bothered. Just didn't want to be inconvenienced. Others were "following the leader" and listening to Conservative "news" and radio (that's othering isn't it?), and just thought us Lefties were sheep and living in fear. I suppose some were. But we weren't. My wife has a seriously compromised immune system, and we were also trying to help slow the spread by doing our part by social distancing and wearing masks. We were judged. Especially when our daughter started going to an Evangelical Christian school. It made me want to hate them. It was, again, evocative of old feelings of shame.

I did hate them. I hated all Conservatives at the time, and genuinely wished them harm. I thought they were whiny selfish babies with no sense of civic duty. In fact, I still kinda do. I have a question I ask people, and I've been asking it off and on for years, since before the pandemic. It is if you were the only person on earth who had teleportation. Like you discovered an old alien teleportation pad in your back yard that only you know about, what would you do with it? Occasionally, some people would say tell the government, but most people would say they would use it to make money somehow. Of all the people I've ever asked, nobody answered like I would have, which was to teleport places where "bad people" existed and get them out of the gene pool. 

These thoughts and feelings were so intense, and they're what drove me to learn more about "those people," which eventually drove me back to the church. Thankfully, while I still have a tendency to look down my nose and patronize Conservative as people who don't understand or care about anything outside of their immediate lives, I now do have a sense of love for them. It's erratic, and paper thin at times, but to think back on the thoughts and feelings I had is kind of chilling. Sad and scary. And yet totally me at the time. It happened.

Another, more mundane yet perhaps more pernicious form of "othering" I continue to do is to look down on the culture which I'm around. I've always done it. When I was in the Army, I did it. I disliked being around the military and military culture. For that matter I still do b/c I find it to be a rather macho, entitled and overbearing culture which believes it deserves more say in society and more respect than non-military people. And I think in many cases that is true, but I definitely know that in many cases, it's not. 

But I'm doing it now in corporate culture. I work for a large, bougie East Coast based firm filled by people who A) knew about the firm growing up, and have desired to work in it for years (I'd never heard of this firm until well after I got into corporate). And B) are kind of, in my opinion, a little naive about it. I believe....many people at many ranks within the firm are dewy eyed, and/or toxically ambitious, and revel in their professional success. This is certainly true in some cases, but having met a lot of people in the firm, they're much more down to earth. Even people who are high ranking are often very down to earth people.

Nonetheless, I again have a sense of pity for them. I believe they don't know any better, especially the people who actually want to live in suburbs. Who does that??? People who have never had better. Or so think.

But I think this stems from some envy. To a degree anyway. I think I wanted this for myself, but because of the period of intense shame, and, honestly, odd difficult-to-work-with behavior I exhibited (and still do at times, but to a much reduced degree), I had a hard time getting ahead in any sort of way that involved relationships. And management, and the big money, big prestige jobs are about fitting in with the right crowd. Which, is true to a degree, but there are lots of "right crowds." In reality, it was my own sense of shame, and lack of confidence that prevented me from moving up. And a lack of patience.

What invitations...?

Well....I feel the invitation to.....be better to others. At least I did at the beginning of this prayer. However, I feel the invitation to heal myself. To love myself, because I think that's where my bad thoughts and behaviors come from...a lack of self love. Not in a naval gazing, self-centered, I did 10 extra minutes on the treadmill so I'm going to get a cookie in the cafeteria today sort of way (wait...is that othering? Ugh! It is). But the point is valid. 

I haven't asked much for healing, and I certainly haven't asked for self-love. It feels wrong, but now that I'm facing the idea head-on, I see that it's not wrong. It would help me to know, love and serve God. I'm made in the image and likeness of Him, so loving myself is an acknowledgement of God's goodness. It's also being thankful for the blessing of being made in His image and likeness, and this opportunity to love and be loved. 2-way street this love/communion w/ God thing. But also, it helps me to love others, and to connect with others, and to be empathetic with others, and to live the Beatitudes. All part of the plan for all of us, including me.

Lord, thank you for spending this time with me and revealing to me fruitful thoughts. I was dubious at the beginning, and doubted much would come out of my mind and heart. But....much came out.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.