Dear Lord,
Thank you for this time of prayer. I won't have enough time to write out my meditation on this first day, but it was good to spend time reading and trying to understand your word. I'm sure that time will be fruitful when I sit down next to meditate and write upon it. --20241108
--resuming 20241109
Dear Lord, thank You for calling me back to prayer, and giving me the gift of prayer. Thank You also for remembering me at all times, while I often forget about You for long periods of time. You are a constant lover patiently waiting for my limited existence to orient itself back to You. And when I do, I know it pleases You. Thank You, Lord.
Holy Spirit, I'm struggling a bit today. My mind is racing a bit, and it's difficult for me to focus. I've already been in prayer for more than half an hour, and I haven't gotten particularly far. Not that productivity is the goal, but getting through material is a necessary part of the retreat. Inhabit me Holy Spirit. Inhabit my mind, and turn me aflame. Mold me and make me vulnerable to the word and will of the Father. Whatever He wants, please enact that in my life at this moment.
Consider yourself as God's creation, as an incarnation, or image of God in a particular time, family, and place. Rejoice in the fact of your existence as God's creation, even amid the complexities of human life.
I often find myself grateful for where I am, in all senses of that phrase. Just yesterday I was discussing with my wife how how I'm thankful that we're not as wealthy as some of our friends are because this is the life You've given us, Lord. And also, it seems fitting. I think, because of who my wife and I are, we would squander the freedom of time on being busy with projects. You've placed us in a life with serious constraints. From time to time the constraints are financial, they've been medical, but mostly they're time and energy constraints.
We've got our rather onerous and stressful jobs. Our daughter goes to a school 25 minutes away which doesn't have a bus system to pick her up. She's involved in a few activities which are also quite a ways from home. Not to mention I'm involved in volunteer work which takes quite a bit of time outside of everything else. I've even put on quite a bit of weight because of it all. That being said, I love it. I know I need to cut back, and I should put some prayer and time into that precise situation, but it's been a wonderful learning experience.
My daughter has taught me how to love for the first time in my life. My religion and my wife have taught me how to be less selfish. My incredible workload have taught me that accomplishment is absolutely not one of the most important things in life. Nor is wealth. Nor is material comfort, for that matter. Love. Love is the most important part, and providing "enough" material comfort isn't a necessary part of love. My incredible workload has also taught me that health is a more important part of life than my time and attention to it are implying. My proper health gives me more energy and more optimism and patience for the truly important parts of life.
Thank you, Lord.
What were the significant interior movements?
This isn't directly related to this prayer, but I have a desire to downsize and simplify my entire life. Materially, and especially from a time perspective. There's a lot of overhead to my life due to my projects, and it's keeping me away from my family, my health, my work, and also from learning more about God. I think this stems from prayer. From an impulse from God. That being said, I'm patient with it. A year ago I would have been furious with reality. Now, I'm thankful for the insight my current situation has given me. I also want more time to help friends when they need it.
What was the prevailing mood of my prayer: peace, agitation, excitement, boredom, confusion, calm?
Emotionally, it was a bit dry. Yesterday, when I started this particular meditation, it was a bit less dry, but I meditated and prayed for quite some time, and I became stirred up. Today I didn't give the prayer part as much time, so I haven't become stirred up, per se, but it still seems fruitful.
Was my prayer more about the head or the heart, or about both?
It was about both, but more about the head. I've often felt extreme wonder about God's creation, and especially my incredible fortune for being part of that. I'm not feeling that extreme wonder, but I am still keenly aware of it.
What word, phrase, image, or memory meant most to me during prayer?
Nothing stuck out to me emotionally, so to speak, but I found the wording of Genesis 1:26 interesting. "Let Us make man in Our own image." As if the Trinity, or perhaps just the Father and the Son were already both in existence at that time. I'm pretty sure that's the case, but it's still interesting to read that at the very beginning of the Bible.
Is there some unfinished business that I think God is calling me to return to during another time of prayer?
I'm not sure. I'm certainly not feeling this very much, but I don't know if that's necessarily the point.
Is there something happening in my life that is becoming part of my prayer? Do I feel moved to do something concrete in my life?
Yes, I do feel moved to do something concrete in my life. I feel moved to downsize so that I can do more of the important and longer term things. I don't spend enough time helping around the house, and being loving with my wife. I could spend more time creatively engaging with my daughter in enriching ways, or lining up enriching opportunities for her. I've recently had the urge to learn more about God and my faith. I want to create a couple of different courses. One about prayer that's more cohesive and harder hitting than what I'm doing now. But also another one which teaches people that being a Christian is a lot more than simply checking the boxes of religion. But also, I just want to pray more. I want to be more open to each and every moment, and to pray always, and to be a contemplative in action. I want to learn to play the guitar and to sing so I can be ready for my daughter's wedding, since I know I won't be able to keep it together for a speech if I can't practice for 10 - 15 years. I also want more time to write, maybe poetry, and to write letter to friends and family. Really wonderful things that punctuate their lives in joyful ways. And I want to to help friends if and when they need it.
Am I making the necessary preparations for my prayer? Is there anything I am doing or not doing that is getting in the way of my listening to God or speaking from the heart?
Nov. 8 --I'm going to answer this one first. I think readings scripture, raw, might not be doing it for me right now. I think I may need to do some spiritual reading in supplement to this for a bit.
Nov. 9--I notice that if I spend more time preparing with intentional prayers asking to be drawn into prayer, and to be stirred, and also just kind of do that throughout the reading and prayer, that it helps a lot.
Lord, thank you for this time of prayer. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.