Dear Lord,
Honestly, I'm not feeling this one. And I'm not sure if it's just this particular reading, or if it's just because I'm out of the spiritual zone. I know when I initially tried to read it on, I think, the 19th (today is the 31st) I wasn't particularly keen on it, but also I was busy and very stressed and just wasn't in a very conducive mental and emotional state for prayer and meditation. I hope I can regain some of the wonder I was feeling just prior to this time.
To tell you the truth, I haven't been able to pray very well for a couple of weeks. I feel like just today for the first time I'm back in a place I can at least feel okay about spending the time on prayer. Some of that was purely mechanical in that I wasn't able to get to bed at a good time, and/or my sleep was so poor I was unable to get up early enough to pray. Or I was so tired and anxious I just didn't have the mental wherewithal to sit and think. I could only 'do,' and only poorly at that.
BUT I'll see what I can do with this prayer and meditation session.
Where do I see this awesome glory revealed in my life, and in nature?
Dear Lord, living in Montana I'm able to see You in nature very clearly. I wrote not too long ago about how I noticed that You placed me in such a healing, and fortifying spot on earth which from the beginning of time You knew would be balm to my soul. You knew I'd see You there...........
I'm being overcome by negative, angry, self-loathing, and fearful thoughts, Lord. I'm so distractable right now, and when I get distracted the thoughts elicit such a powerful negative emotional response that prayer almost seems dangerous and counterproductive right now. Which of course, now that I've said that out loud, I realize is an absurd thought. Not just absurd thought, but a dangerous thought obviously from the Evil One.
Lord, hold me. Bring my mind and heart back into Your loving arms. I know you're all around and inside of me, but my sense of you has waned. My heart's desire has shifted toward productivity outside of the sense of Your gaze. At all times you are with me, and assisting me in helping to bring about Your kingdom. However, I try to take it on without you when things get tough.
Lord, be with me. I have to go in order to get my daughter ready, and I can already feel myself slipping into the arms of the Evil One. I can already feel myself getting angry about what my wife isn't doing, and how she's already back on the phone, and not preparing for my daughter's school day.
Lord, help me be a good man for my family. St. Joseph, help me be a good man for my family.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.