Ps 23:3b-4; RNJB:
He guides me along the right path,
for the sake of his name.
Though I should walk in the valley of the shadow of death,
no evil would I fear, for you are with me.
Your crook and your staff will give me comfort.
Protective and Almighty Father,
In my life, right now, the above couple of verses stick out to me. In this season of my life I feel very called to act in the world. This entire psalm presents several manifestations and metaphors of God's love for us, but the one where God actively guides me through the valley of the shadow of death is what strikes me most.
At this moment I have a moderate sense of anxiety, which precedes this prayer. Some of that is due to having a lot to do for which I need to be well rested, and day after day I keep getting quite poor sleep. I'm worried about having enough energy. And I think that's seasonal, and I should be spending time in front of the 10K lux light everyday to help get my circadian rhythm in order. I'm worried about that.
Absent that influencing factor I'd still have a sense of anxiety, even though I know, in my head, that you will always carry me through, Father. I do not currently feel it in my heart. Sometimes I do, although for now it's usually a pretty weak feeling. It is growing.
To be continued....
10/7/2024
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10/9/2024
Guiding Father,
Thank you for waiting for me, and thank you for a night of restful sleep.
Today the reading is falling a bit flat for me. I think a big part of it is that I already thought about this a couple of days ago. It's a bit stale, if you will. Which sounds disrespectful, but it is what it is. I do remember that I felt comfort in this. Comfort, but a longing for a more trusting relationship with You, Lord. I want to entrust my life
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Why discern? Why surrender? Because Jesus promised us peace, and he said he came that we might not just have life, but have it to the full. That we might live our lives consumed by and completely for the love of God. That the fullness comes not only from believing that heaven is in our future, but from the here and now. That radical, wild, full, and with abandon dedication of every moment, every breath, every thought, every beat of our heart to the
He promised us peace and joy, not ease and happiness, as a natural outcome of a life lived for God. Almost like a side effect. Not a reward, but as something which develops as the reality of our existence aligns with God's will for us. The reality of our existence is that we are made in the image and likeness of our Father, and that we are made with a deep need for our Father. Ultimately, any of our unhappiness, poor decisions which lead us to seek out pleasure, money, joy for any other reason than the lover of God is rooted in our soul's deep longing to be reunited with the Creator. Commandment #1: love God above all others. Ironic reality: love is a theological virtue, and we cannot love without God. Wonderful realization: that to love is to have one's incomplete and broken existence fleshed out and made whole by being united in those wounds with Christ.
The image I use is that through things which were done to be, but also to things I've done to myself my heart has big chunk torn off of it, and it has been pierced many times. So it's incomplete, and each weak beat sends blood not just around my body, weakly, but out into my body and into the wrong places within my heart. It's deeply wounded. So the hope isn't that my heart will heal. It's not that the wounds will close, and that the missing part of my heart will regrow. It's that God will occupy the space where that missing part of my heart is and will be as one with my own heart. It's that God will occupy the piercings and stem the flow of blood, being the intense white light that doesn't make my heart whole, but perfects my heart. To be better than well. This, however, is a matter of continuously letting God in. Over and over and over until it becomes a habit.
Nobody who truly operates in union with God slogs through their days.