Dear Lord,
Earlier this afternoon during a work meeting, I had the realization that I have an strong prejudice against corporate-ness. Not an earned mistrust, or reasonable dislike based on some past experience. Just a prejudice. And when I had the realization I felt silly for not having identified it as a prejudice sooner. It's been 14 years.....and 7 weeks....and three days.
Thank you for this realization, Lord. It seems so obvious now, but I obviously wasn't at the point I could grasp it. Or was willing to let go of the illusion of power it gave me to hold on to a disdain for something which I believed was causing me harm. Whether that's harm from because what corporate-ness actively did to me, or what it passively does to me by my simple existence within it.
Lord, I need healing here. Please come into this aspect of me and heal it. When I think about it, it isn't just corporate environments that I have a prejudice for. It's really any environment I'm in for any real length of time. Wouldn't matter if I was a welder, a data engineer, a personal trainer. I'd always find a way to pretend to be superior to where I am. And that pretension is really about my sense of inferiority. I feel inferior, like I'm not good enough to be where I am.
Heal me here, Lord. Show me what happened in this area that made me this way. Help me to see my work for what it truly is. Help me to see it as a miracle, and a blessing. Help me to see it sacramentally, as an opportunity to serve you. God, I don't see the good where I am. I just see something I'm duking it out with. Something that I'm not fully accepting as the blessing it is. I don't see it as a cross to bear either. Or I guess I do, but I don't see myself bearing it with patience, but dealing with it until it goes away. I'm not asking this cross be taken from me, Lord. Rather, I'm asking for you to help me see it as a cross. To see it as something I willing carry wholeheartedly.
Lord, I'm tired of lukewarmness to my job. I'm not looking for high paced, exciting work. I'm not asking for a change to my work at all. I'm asking for a change to me. An attitude adjustment. A change to my perspective. Lord enlighten me. Enlighten my soul that I may know your presence, and your role for me. May my job become a labor of love. Change me Lord.
Also, I could use some earthly guidance. Lord, could you guide me toward some information about this. I have to imagine Ignatius or Escriva would have something on this topic. And I'll continue to pray about this. Thank you for this new clarity Lord.
Please enlighten me, and heal me in this area, Lord. I think I know what has added up over the decades to lead me to this damaged point. A wounded sojourner. Lord, I ask this make me more patient, more loving, and more forgiving.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.