Dear Lord,
You know I used to be a gym rat. Especially while I was in the Army, and then when I was in college. I spent a lot of hours in the gym, on top of the PT the Army required I do five days a week. It was my church. I idolized fitness, and the aesthetics of my body. It was part of my identity and a huge part of my ego and identity. I got a lot of attention from both men and women. Friends who saw me in the gym would double take and complement me even.
That's another lifetime ago, but I know that's just below the surface if I'm not careful. So, God, I'm concerned about getting back into fitness, and getting healthy. I know for a fact I'm not doing my body, Your creation, justice. I'm woefully unhealthy right now, and know I need to take some action. But to what extent, God? How far do I go? How much time should I spend? How should I be looking at health and fitness?
Recently, I've been working on the Ignatian Principle and Foundation exercise, and it's made me consider everything I do in terms of how it aligns behind our reason for being, which is "to praise, reverence and serve God." This makes intuitive sense to me, and it excites me to look at my actions like this, God. You've cleared paths for me, I've been at more peace than I remember following you, going down the paths you clear, and serving You. In fact, I'm starting to enjoy that You don't show me the whole path or the end. Or even what I'm working toward, exactly. It's like walking in a thick fog, and You sweeping away just enough of the fog so I can see a narrow path of dark earth just a few feet long in front of me. At first that was frustrating. But now it's exciting. It's like every day is Christmas because I don't know exactly what will present itself. It's another day to trust You, and to serve You. That feels like love to me, and it makes serving You an immense joy and a gift. It's building loyalty to You in me, and when I think about it, that seems like the exact thing I need. I'm still newly back to the faith. I know if I just follow the path you show me, even that little snippet of path that always stays the same short length in front of me, things will just be OK. Thank You, Lord.
O' Jesus, I surrender myself to you. Please continue to take care of everything.
In the P&F exercise it says, "we ought not to seek health rather than sickness." Lord, at first, I was taken aback by this. But after thinking for a minute about that I realized that simply meant putting the state of our health in its place. And that is, we do with our health what is right, and what is right means what aligns with serving you. But Lord, what does this look like in my life?
I can think of this in a few ways. There's the health, energy, and cognition standpoint. To a point, the healthier you are, the more energy you have, and the happier you are. It also improves your cognition and executive functioning. Having consumed way too much alcohol for way too long that has certainly been degraded. Lord thank you for making it easy to quit drinking. It's been a game changer. Having more energy, time and more happiness and being smarter seems like an obvious way to serve You, Lord. Obviously, there are diminishing returns after a point, and after a point it can degrade your energy levels. So....don't over train. No problem. Additionally, I know this could become an obsession, its own idol where my goal becomes the fitness and happiness itself, rather than how the fitness, or able bodied-ness can serve You. Lord, I think this won't be so much a problem.
Lord, there are other aspects to consider, too. I can think of two more perspectives off of the top of my head. One is simply taking care of Your creation. The other is aesthetics. I read about the taking care of Your creation part a few days ago, and it seems to me that this might be a form of praise. When I really think about the human body, it is truly remarkable. The fact that You took billions of years to hone it. The fact that we have fingerprints and prints on our feet so that way we can better hold on to spears and branches, and not slip on wet rocks while fishing in streams is remarkable. The fact that we've evolved to see the human physique as beautiful and powerful is amazing. As a man even I admit that a fit, healthy man looks good. He's got a certain beauty and natural elegance that is energizing to me. Not in a sensual way, but in a way that reminds me of my own body. Not my own fit body, but what my body is capable of. Now I'm a sedentary office worker. However, I'm still young and healthy enough I could probably train to squat hundreds of pounds, twenty pull-ups, or even an Iron Man.
However, those goals seem excessive. Or are they, Lord? Is to train myself to a high level caring for Your creation? I think it cooulllld be for some people. But I think that would be too much for me. Lord, you've made me a husband, father, employee with a demanding job, and the leader of a men's group which will take time both during the group, and in preparation for a group. I've also got limited financial resources, so I can't afford a home gym, and I can't justify the time going back and forth to another gym on top of training the amount I'd need to become extremely fit.
What about aesthetics, Lord? Is there some service value in that? I think there is, but here's where things could easily tip into egotism and pride. For that matter this whole endeavor is at risk of that. Improved physical capability, improved energy alone can make me feel powerful, like I'm in control. I know this because I've felt it before. I know as a tall man at 6'4" I'm already imposing to most people. And I remember when I was younger and more athletic looking it got me a lot of attention from men. However, the riskier attention I got was from women who found me attractive, and made it known. It happened very frequently, and it made me feel awesome, in a bad way. It also made me feel like a piece of meat too, but I was in the "power seat," and saying no at times felt good. Saying yes at times also felt good.
Thankfully now I have an awesome marriage, and my wife and I have become the perfect people for each other. Thank you, God. Marriage is an incredible thing, and it's what drove me back, and now the rest of my family, back to the Church.
Although that doesn't mean I'm immune to the pride associated with attention.
O' Jesus, I surrender myself to you. Please continue to take care of everything. Keep me mindful of my need for You, Lord. At all times keep me mindful of the wonderful gift of Your mercy, and that when I step off the path, it hurts. And it doesn't take long for the pain to set in. Increase my love for you Lord, that I may always want to be in Your light and mercy, and desire most to serve You and do your will.
That being said, I am the leader of a men's group. Part of the content I've been looking into talks about taking care of our bodies, and how a man's physiology is meant to be expressed. That's part of being a man, and masculinity. Not to be meatheads, but to bring out part of what makes us unique, and different from women. It makes us more attractive as men, as the body and soul creatures You worked on for billions of years to create.
Again, Lord....to what extent? I guess this has the same answer as the previous time I asked, which is to the extent it aligns with how best to server You, Lord. You've made me a husband, a father, an employee with a demanding job, and the leader of a men's group. I don't have infinite time, and I don't have infinite money.
I feel better about this, Lord. I think it's okay to spend resources on health, to the degree it doesn't interfere with the other ways I'm serving you. And I think it's even okay to focus on aesthetics to a degree because it glorifies Your amazing and ongoing act of creation.
Now what to do?
Well, it can't take too much time or money. Right at this moment I'm insanely busy with a job transition and the men's group. Also, right at this moment I'm at rock bottom as a generally healthy guy with full mobility can be. Skinny fat, weakish, bad diet, and a bit of yard work from time to time as my exercise. Which means I don't have to do much to improve, and I can probably not have to do much for quite a while to see continued results.
I think the hardest part will be curbing my calorie intake. I used to be able to hunker down and just cut calories, but now I'm too stressed to do that. I couldn't deal with the added stress load of white knuckling anything. Using the MyFitnessPal app to count calories is fairly easy, and has been really useful at earlier times to get me into the habit of considering my food, and eating less.
But there is the workout aspect. Obviously, I want to work out, but that needs to not be so intense that it kicks my appetite into high gear. At least not right away. But it must be intense enough to benefit me. Hmmm....as boring as it might be, I think doing low intensity cardio to help curb my appetite for a while should be my primary workout. And perhaps doing Tabata every several days might be ok. Obviously go easy on that so I don't hurt myself. And also, so I don't kick my metabolism into high gear for more than a day. Depleting my glycogen stores is a recipe for more eating, and less fat loss.
Just getting into an easy to maintain rhythm that's fun enough to keep me coming back, but not so intense that it has me overeating.
I'm not sure I can work out every day, but I think that's okay for now. I've been getting a lot of fruit from my daily Holy Hour in the morning. And that's the only time I could workout. Late day workouts, anything that ends after 4pm for easy cardio, or even after about 1 or 2 pm for something intense like Tabata, will keep me up all night long. I could do a late day Holy Hour on Saturdays and Sundays, but not during the week with the kid's homework, and the various lessons I take her too. I find a Holy Hour before work to be incredibly beneficial. I know a workout would also be beneficial, but.... that Holy Hour. That's good stuff. If I'm going to work out, I think I want to work out at least four days a week. And with daylight saving starting...well.... tomorrow morning dark and early, I won't be able to get up early enough to work out and do a Holy Hour for a little while.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I could make my workouts a form of prayer, right? I was reading about this a few days ago. Yes....there's something here. There are even companies and groups that do this. Like SoulCore which prays the Rosary while holding poses. There's more to it than that.
I could, in a way, make a holy half hour while working out, and then another holy half hour after that on workout days to make a holy hour. I think there may be ways of praying more extemporaneously which could lead to an intensely spiritual experience. In fact, it might be a good way to think about Your creation, God. To think about what You've made and to literally feel Your creation in motion. I think that's a notion that could, over time, pervade my other activities. It might be a way of being more in the moment and becoming more thankful for what You've given me. Yet more which could bleed into the rest of my life.
Yes. I at least want to try this, Lord. But I'll remain open to your will. I know you always guide me, Lord. I don't always notice it at first, but I eventually notice it.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.