15 May

"Jesus, besides learning that I'm prideful and foolish, what else is served by continuing to let me cast You aside? I ask that You always keep my whole existence close, that I may be always in Your presence, and may never feel the suffering of being without You. 'If you are willing, take this cup away from me. Nevertheless, let your will be done, not mine.'"


Dear Jesus,


That prayer I prayed months ago seems quite relevant again. I'm of two minds right now, Lord. On one hand I feel Your presence. I feel energized by You and for You, like I am doing your will. On the other hand I feel like I don't hear you anymore. Like teammates with faith that the other is doing what we're supposed to be doing, but not in current contact. As if You gave me instructions months ago, and I'm still just following those same instructions without having checked in.


Lord, this makes me think that I'm BSing myself. Maybe I'm not hearing you at all if I don't know I'm hearing you. Or maybe I'm only catching part of the message.


Lord, help me hear you. Please clear time for me to listen to you. If it's Your will, help me to do this everyday. Give me the grace, then,to hear, Lord.


A favorite prayer of mine by Thomas Merton:


My Lord, God

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think that I am following

       your will does not mean that I am 

      actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you

      does in fact please your.

And I hope I have that desire

      in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart

      from that desire.

And I know that if I do this,

you will lead me by the right road though I

      may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I

      may seem lost and in the shadow

      of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me to face my

      perils alone.


In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.


Amen